Shining Liwanag On Your Rights: "Cradle-Snatcher Nurse"

Dear Atty.,

I am a 41-year-old widow working as a nurse in Glasgow. My husband died during the first wave of Covid. I have 2 children: a 16-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter.

My son has a best friend, “James,” a handsome, blue-eyed Scot, and also 16. He stays over sometimes.

One night, he went into my room when everyone was asleep. I did not resist him. It happened again recently. I find myself emotionally attached to him. He says he wants to be with me, too.

I know this is not a common situation. Sometimes, I feel like a monster. I want to know if this is illegal in Scotland, and if marriage is even possible. I’m also scared of what my son will think when he finds out.

Sincerely,

Cradle-Snatcher Nurse

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THE REPLY

Dear “Cradle-Snatcher” (and thank you for the honesty),

Oh dear. Let’s do this carefully — no judgment, but no sugar-coating either. You are not a monster. You are lonely, grieving, craving touch, and someone made you feel wanted again. But what is happening is not romance. It is a serious boundary breach —emotionally, psychologically, and legally dangerous.

Let’s start with the law in Scotland (the part you really need to hear).

The age of sexual consent in Scotland is 16. So, hindi ka automatic na naka-criminal case just because he is 16. But, ito yong malaking “BUT”. This does not mean this relationship is safe or healthy or risk-free.

Tignan natin ‘yong part where the danger becomes very real. You are the mother of his best friend. This is happening inside your home. You are the adult — he is still emotionally forming. If anyone — school, social worker, neighbour, your son — finds out, this situation will be seen as:

“An adult exploiting emotional access to a minor.”

That is how the law and social services will frame it. Not “love story.” Not “he seduced me.” But grooming!

And child protection law in the UK does not require criminal intent — only a power imbalance plus risk of emotional harm. This means that you could face investigation by Social Services which could lead to loss of custody of your children and psychological harm to your son, who will feel betrayed in two directions.

Tapos me tanong ka pa about ‘marriage’? Really?

Even if both of you legally could marry someday, this relationship would not survive the fallout. Hindi naman ako manhid kasi I think marriage is not your real question.

Your concern is:

“Is this love… or is this loneliness disguised as connection?”

And right now, the way I see it, it is loneliness. Comfort. Trauma filling a silence your husband left behind. You don’t need punishment. You need healing.

Now, the hardest part: Your son.

When he finds out — and trust me, he will — we will not see this as a romance. He will see betrayal — by his best friend, and his own mother. This can permanently damage your relationship with him. And, children do not recover quickly from this kind of emotional wound.

So what should you do now?

Stop the relationship immediately. Not slowly. Not “paunti-unti.” Stop. Now.

Do not confess to your son yet. You need to stabilize yourself first. Find a grief therapist or counselor. This isn’t just about lust. This is about loss, touch deprivation, and identity after widowhood. Rebuild your sense of self outside romantic validation.

You are a woman who has loved deeply and lost deeply. Your story is not over. And please hold on to this—you don’t need to be desired to be valuable. Someone wanting your body is not the same as someone loving your soul. You have been starved of tenderness for years — but tenderness is not supposed to cost your dignity, your motherhood, or your child’s trust.

You can want love. You deserve love. But not from a boy whose life is still unfolding.

And not at the price of your own. Take a breath. Step back. Choose the path where your children can still look at you with pride.

I’m here if you need to talk again.

Warmly,

Atty. Liwanag

(This column offers general guidance only. For personalized legal advice, consult a licensed solicitor in Scotland.)

For comments and suggestions, e-mail TFCN at [email protected].

Meet Atty. Erick Liwanag (yup, Liwanag talaga — kasi laging may liwanag sa mga legal dilemmas mo!). Siya ‘yung tulay between confusion and clarity. Forget the boring law books and nosebleed terms — si Atty. Liwanag explains the law in plain, real-world language na maiintidihan ng kahit sino. Hindi man siya superhero (‘di daw pumasa sa Bar ang kanyang kapa 😀), he’s got something better — sharp wit, solid legal know-how, at ‘yung chill na energy ng taong gusto lang magbahagi ng liwanag sa batas, na walang sakit sa ulo.💡⚖️