Shining Liwanag On Your Rights: Depressed in Madrid

Dear Atty. Liwanag,

I hope you can help me, because I am so ashamed to talk about this with anyone, even my dearest best friend.My husband, "Ramon", and I have been married for three years and have a beautiful one-year-old daughter. I thought we had a normal marriage, but about six months ago, I discovered a strange folder hidden deep inside his laptop. It was full of...unusual things. Things that are not cheating with another person, but involve things I never imagined a married man would be interested in—like dressing up, and other very specific, non-traditional sexual activities that he now wants me to participate in.

Atty., I am a traditional Filipina. I grew up believing that a husband and wife should have a loving, simple, and private marital life. What he is asking for and what he is doing secretly is not just "different";—it feels wrong, immoral, and honestly, disgusting to me. When I refuse, he gets distant and withdrawn, and our arguments are getting worse and worse. He says,"It's just sex, what's the big deal?"

I’m at my wit’s end. I feel betrayed, violated, and like the marriage I entered into was a complete lie. This is not the man I married.

My question is this: In the Philippines, is this kind of kakaibang sexual habit a legal ground for annulment? Or, Am I stuck? I want to break free from this lie, but I'm afraid of getting legally stuck in a marriage that I can no longer handle. Please, give me some direction, Atty.

Sincerely,

Depressed in Madrid

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Dear Depressed in Madrid,

Oh dear. Of all the things you expect to find in your husband’s laptop, I bet a hidden “wardrobe fantasy folder” wasn’t on the bingo card.

First, let me say this: your confusion — and yes, disgust — are completely valid.

When the person you trust most suddenly shows a side that feels alien, even disturbing, it shakes your sense of safety and truth. But let’s separate emotion from law for a moment, kasi — and I say this with love — not everything weird is illegal, and not everything immoral is a ground for annulment.

Now, to your million-peso question: is your husband’s “unusual sexual behavior” a legal ground for annulment in the Philippines?

The short answer: not by itself.

The longer answer: maybe, but only under very specific conditions.

Here’s the breakdown — plain and simple, no legalese, no lace:

1. Moral shock ≠ legal defect.

Under Philippine law, you can’t annul a marriage just because your partner turned out to be kinky, controlling, or even a walking red flag. Annulment is not a “bad decisions eraser.” The Family Code only allows it if one party was psychologically incapacitated to perform the essential marital obligations — meaning, mentally or emotionally incapable of living out the normal duties of a spouse.

2. What counts as “psychological incapacity”?

This is the part where most cases fail. It’s not enough that your husband has “non-traditional” sexual interests or habits. You have to prove — through expert psychological evaluation and testimony — that his behavior stems from a deep-seated psychological disorder existing before the marriage, and that it makes him incapable of a normal marital relationship (not just unwilling or experimental).

Sa madaling salita you can’t annul a marriage just because you don’t share the same fantasies — but you can, if those fantasies are symptoms of something pathological that destroys the marriage’s core.

3. Options beyond annulment.

If you feel violated or pressured into acts that make you deeply uncomfortable or unsafe, you’re not powerless. Pwede mong tignan ang Safe Spaces Act and the Anti-Violence Against Women and Children (VAWC) Act to protect you from sexual coercion — even within marriage. Yes, consent matters, even between husband and wife.

If the situation becomes abusive — emotionally, sexually, or psychologically — you can file for legal separation or seek a protection order under the VAWC law. That doesn’t dissolve the marriage, but it gives you safety, independence, and legal distance.

Now, I know you’re also dealing with the emotional wreckage — the sense of betrayal, the feeling that the man you married doesn’t exist anymore. The law can’t fix heartbreak, but it can give you structure while you heal.

My suggestion?

Before anything else, talk to a licensed psychologist (not just a lawyer). You’ll need that both for your peace of mind and, if ever, as evidence should you choose the annulment route. Then, find a Philippine family lawyer who can assess if your case fits the psychological incapacity framework — or if legal separation makes more sense.

You’re not stuck. You’re shaken, yes — but that’s not the same thing.

And remember, the goal isn’t to punish him for being “weird.” It’s to protect you from being trapped in something that already feels wrong.

Love may be blind, but the law — thankfully — wears reading glasses.

And that, my friend, is the law. Boom! I’m out.

Warmly,

Atty. Liwanag

(This column is for general educational discussion only and does not constitute legal advice. For specific concerns, please consult a lawyer.)

For comments and suggestions, e-mail TFCN at [email protected].

Meet Atty. Erick Liwanag (yup, Liwanag talaga — kasi laging may liwanag sa mga legal dilemmas mo!). Siya ‘yung tulay between confusion and clarity. Forget the boring law books and nosebleed terms — si Atty. Liwanag explains the law in plain, real-world language na maiintidihan ng kahit sino. Hindi man siya superhero (‘di daw pumasa sa Bar ang kanyang kapa 😀), he’s got something better — sharp wit, solid legal know-how, at ‘yung chill na energy ng taong gusto lang magbahagi ng liwanag sa batas, na walang sakit sa ulo.💡⚖️